"With every aching breath
my spirit trembles"
Why does the body Weep when the mind and heart have sorrow?
I lost a friend recently,
his name is Reece,
and he was and is a beautiful Spirit
that will live on infinitely,
and we will meet again.
I spoke at his funeral,
I felt this calling in my chest,
and I was like
"oh no"
, I was so visibly distraught,
to the point of not being able to breathe,
but here was my spirit
and Reece's
speaking within me,
yelling;
"Just DO IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!"
I knew I had no choice.
I turned to my friend
who had been holding me
as I wept
the whole service
and I said;
"I want to speak"
She looked at me
deep in my eyes
and I could see her checking her own intuition before she spoke
she asked me "Are you Sure?"
and my spirit said
"Yes"...
Before I knew it I was up to speak,
I only remember bits and pieces of what I said,
for my anxiety was so strong,
my heart was beating outside of my chest
and I may or may not have blacked out a little here and there,
but here is what I recall mentioning,
and a little more for expansion on things,
and my experience with him on this plane of existence..
I worked with Reece at Starbucks,
off and on for two years,
(he quit once, then came back),
I used to rejoice when I saw reece was sharing a shift with me,
because in a very anxiety-ridden and tumultuous
(yes tumultuos, please tip your baristas)
Occupation,
he brought peace, joy and laughter.
(FYI: I am gonna use passed tense for simplicity, but I believe all these things are still continuously true)
His Spirit was kind, giving,
selfless,
It wished well on everyone
even those who were not kind to him,
or that maybe bothered him some bit.
But reece was never angry
or bothered....
One time his car got broken into,
his very expensive leather jacket was stolen,
. I remember getting so angry and almost vengeful on his behalf,
but he reminded me that it didn't matter,
he could buy another one,
they must've needed it more
and "it's just money".
Reece will always be remembered as Jubilent,
his smile, laughter and hugs
were the things dreams were made of.
He was beautiful, inside and out,
his spirit just shone out of him,
and he truly sought connection with people,
...he truly loved,
.......he truly cared,
he wanted everyone to feel known and heard.
Even when he wasn't working with me,
he was in the cafe
sometimes multiple times a day
for about two years
he was a shining light
in my life.
I would always make him hug me before he left
and we would always bicker like brother and sister..
I made him laugh,
and I know this is the same for a lot of people who knew him
but when I made him laugh,
it made me feel like a thousand bucks.
Reece laughed at everything,
he enjoyed people,
he enjoyed life.
I told the congregation at the funeral
that I considered Reece to be a good friend.
Not in the sense that I saw him everyday
(it had been awhile)
or talked to him frequently
(I meant to text him the week he passed away to tell him I was thinking about him but I didn't)
But in the sense
that we KNEW eachother
our spirits recognized themselves
in one another.
Sometimes if Reece was there
and I was on break
for 10,15,30 min sometimes
we would sit in my car
and talk about life.
away from the chaos of the moment
away from the responsibilities of the world
we just connected
His spirit was so compassionate,
it loved with the fire of a thousand suns.
his love for people and life was his driving force.
one day a few of us met for breakfast at a local diner,
and me
(being who I am)
wanted to test everyone to find out their myers-briggs score
Reece was hesitant but willing to take it,
and I could tell he was kinda nervous to answer some questions honestly
in front of the present company
but he did
and it turned out he was an ISFP
"The Adventurer"
the first person I had tested in 7 years to get that score.
Adventurer types are loyal, forgiving
drawn towards things of an aesthetic nature.
they're sympathetic,
compassionate towards animals,
altruistic
with a lust for life
"Adventurers"
see beauty
in things most people gloss over
to Reece,
life was trialing at times
but overall
he looked for
and thrived on
the beauty he saw in others
and in the world around him.
He loved to travel
he loved to challenge people
to do new things
to go new places.
to break down their walls
to push through their anxieties
..... it was this encouraging side of him
that yelled at me to speak
at his service
And I heard him laugh at me
When I made a corny joke
about wearing the same color
as his mother and sister
I hear his laugh
I know he would be trying to make me laugh
everytime I think of him and get mopey
he never wanted anyone to be sad
he wanted everyone to get along
to be happy
one of his friends or family members said it best,
they said:
It didn't matter what kind of day you were having,
if you saw Reece,
you were having a good day.
When Reece was around,
it was impossible to feel completely unhappy
he brought joy
he brought laughter
he brought peace
He told me
that his brother Shane,
who came in a lot
referred to me as "The Disney Princess"
I took it as a compliment
that I was bubbly enough
or kind enough
to be considered for such a role.
However one day in particular
I was being "pretend mad"
at Reece
(because we played like brother and sister)
and Shane came in and bought coffee at my register
he asked me if I had seen his brother
and I quickly replied:
"No, but don't check the trunk of my car"
I remember his face being shook
like Disney Princess has a dark side
oh snap
and he laughed
and said I was quick and witty
later on as I was leaving my shift,
Reece pulled up and parked
and as he got out of his car
he yelled to me:
"Hey!"
"I got out of your trunk"
and I knew then,
that shane told him what I said
and I knew that it made him laugh
and it made me smile.
most everything he said or did
made someone smile.
I consider Reece
a good friend of mine
because of the connection we had together.
we didn't have to be together
or speak often
Superficially
from the outside
it may have appeared
as if we hardly knew each other
at all
but I know
in my heart of hearts
that,
that will never be true
Neither of us sought
superficial friendships
we sought true connection
and our common loyalty
recognized itself in eachother
I don't think a day has come or gone
since I met Reece
that I didn't think of him in some capacity
most of the time it was because
I carpooled kids around,
and some lived near him
so I passed his house everyday
Or I would just wonder
how he was doing
and thought about texting him
asking if he wanted to get breakfast again sometime
as a group of course
so we could all catch up
but that will never happen
and its these sorts of realizations
that make me really sad.
I will never get to text him again
hang out with him
hear his voice
hug him
tell him "I love you buddy"
or "I love you brother"
as I would refer to him sometimes
I don't know if I told you I loved you
I hope I did
I try to tell everybody I love them
as much as possible
I just remembered a time
when a bunch of us were at the cafe
and several people were yelling
"Bye reece, I love you"
and I said
"By Reece, I think you're just 'alright'"
and I think you were mopping or something
but you almost fell over from laughter
you have had to have known,
have to have felt
or seen
that I loved you.
on a metaphysical level
my spirit loved you.
PHILEO- a brotherly love,
an eternal
conditionless
love
This road of grief
will be riddled with healing
Reece's smile
stretched across our hearts
and is now
littered amongst the stars
I will always feel him near
I will always feel warmth in triumphs and cheer
and I will live my life
like love without fear
because that's how he existed to me.
I will leave you with a Spanish "fortune" he got from his favorite cafe in Spain,
His brother said it was loosely translated as (lets see if I don't slaughter it):
Why do we have two Eyes? And Two Ears? but only one tongue or mouth?
It is because we must see twice, and listen twice before we speak.
and his favorite scripture verse:
Exodus 23:20
"See,
I am sending an angel before you
to protect you
on your journey
and lead you to safety
to the place
I have prepared for you"
I have been listening to this Kate Bush Song for awhile and a line from it has been resonating with me since Reece passed.
It goes:
"Come on angel,
come on
come on
darling
let's exchange the experience"
I want to hold onto Reece's spirit,
I know he will always be
in and around
all those who loved him
for all eternity
The whole song is actually resonating with me since his passing,
It's called: Running up that Hill, By Kate Bush.
My other favorite line is:
"So much hate for the ones we love,
tell us we both matter don't we?"
So go Listen,
I miss you and love you brother. Until next time. -Erin.
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