Disclaimer: Before I go ahead I want you all to know that I am not a self proclaimed expert on any of the areas I am about to write, I know there is still a lot to learn but I have it on my heart to write this so bear with me, my goal is that it will awaken your hearts... that is all.
If there is one thing that I have studied closely my entire life, and I assume we all have in some shape or another it's the "relationship" between people.. between lovers, between husbands and wives... you name it.
If there is one thing I have experienced and have a deep passion for it's relationships.
so hear me out.
RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORK!
Humans are intricately wired in all of their beautiful infinite complexity.
Combining two lives together to coexist peacefully on this Earth "forever" is not going to happen organically, I don't care who you think you are.
even self proclaimed "soul mates" have to work for it.
EACH RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE IS FIGHT OR FLIGHT!
When you're in a relationship, there is a honeymoon period, where everything is fine and dandy, and then I have seen and experienced that after that period dies out, there is a hump you get over and each others' flaws begin to shine light on themselves, it is at this point that you decide whether or not they are any deal breakers... etc...
Can you live with the way they chew gum?
Their religious beliefs?
How they treat you? your loved ones? your family?
is there baggage you don't want to touch?
what skeletons are in their closet?
With what you have known and learned about them, do you see it worth fighting to stay together? Or do you want out?
if you survive this hump period you have now entered a very treacherous journey into uncharted territory..
You will now be spending every moment of your relationship from now until you get married, working for that common goal.
Learning to communicate.
learning to resolve confrontation.
Learning to Listen, and be an active listener.
Helping the other with their baggage, sorting it, throwing it away.. what have you.
And EVERYONE has baggage you must accept this fact... we live in a broken world, and if you think you know someone who has all their "ducks in a row" you're suffering some sort of delusion.
COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE!
Be assertive, have your needs, concerns, desires be heard. Whether or not they are met is irrevelent.. Your significant other cannot read your mind no matter how much you want them to
and the change you want to see in their behavior towards your or anything isn't gonna miraculously change over time, without the knowledge there is even the initial NEED FOR CHANGE...
most conflict can be resolved or prevented with just the simplest sentence.. so make it easier on yourselves. Communicate.
Married couples:
Don't be a live in doormat, don't let your spouse walk all over you.. Chances are they don't know they are doing it. So speak up!
If they loved you enough to fight through the relationship period with you and got to the point where they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with you, there is something there worth fighting for. Communicate and save yourselves.
Passive aggressiveness, and Passivity will only hurt you.
BE ASSERTIVE!
" a women's heart is a deep ocean of secrets"-James Cameron.
WIVES!!:
Women were created intriniscally to be Captivated. To be captured, fought for, desired, treasured, protected.. Jewels...
They were created to walk alongside their husbands, submitting to them, encouraging them, helping them, nurturing them where need be.
Wives are a man's conquest, their constant companion. Their prize.
"The Heart of a man is like deep water"- Proverbs 20:5 NKJV
HUSANDS!!:
The man was created intrinsically to be wild at heart, to be passionate, a warrior, a fighter for what he loves, a protector, a leader, a provider.
He is to lead his family and protect it, to gather and provide what needs to be provided and to constantly fight for his wife.. his "prize"
THERE NEEDS TO BE EQUAL BUY IN
each husband and wife needs to listen and support each other.
Each needs to contribute and collect.
Not one person should be doing all the work, initiating everything, fixing everything etc...
You guys are a team.
There shouldn't be a controlling force, and a dominated participant.
BOTH OF YOU ARE EQUALS all man is created equal, and that includes their wives.
I have seen relationships where the man is forced to submit, he is a live in doormat at his wife's beck and call and has no freedom to do anything in his heart. He is trapped, drowning, struggling to find meaning in life.
I have seen relationships where the man treats the woman like a lesser entity, with invalid opinions, like she is some naive piece of furniture in his life and she should be seen and not heard... she has no freedom, and feels inferior in her own home.
Both of these unhealthy examples can be fixed with a little communication.
So thats where I come to my point
DIVORCE!
It can be avoided. It isn't necessary.. if you loved someone enough to fight through to the marriage, you guys should be an invincible force, you should be able to defeat all things life throws at you, as a team.
Protect and guard one another, be compassionate and caring, listen. and Talk. Give and receive. Bless and be blessed. And never stop the fight.... You had the chance to flee before you got married. Post marriage it's fight... fight.. fight.
keep your love afloat.. it's easier than you think.
That is all.
I am praying for all of you.
1 comment:
Really insightful Erin...way to go. I agree with everything you have said.
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