The Other Side of Fear

It is said, that everything great in life is on the other side of fear.

Being someone with anxiety this has troubled me before..

But I think I am beginning to gradually understand.

About a year ago I was watching Jurassic Park with my 5 year old sister (yes you read that right my family tree is more of a spider web than a tree) and there was a part that came on that scared my husband and I a lot as kids.. the scene where the raptors are hunting the children in the kitchen... 

I suggested to my sister that she not watch this part because it was scary and her 5 year old response? "I won't know if I don't try"...

In that moment my baby sister became my hero. In the 25 years I have lived before her.. I have never once been that confident or brave or willing...

I blipped about it on facebook saying "I want to be my sister when I grow up" and I never forgot how I felt in that moment.

I let the fear of striking out keep me from the game.

Almost everything gives me anxiety.. I fear failure, rejection... all these things. I doubt myself, I assume the worst.. I do not let myself live... because I let things like this rule me.

Well let's explore fear and anxiety for a minute (and depression too a bit)

What are these emotions designed for?

Were they ever intended for us?

Do they give us life?

or do they tear us down?

are they from love?

or something else?

Most of these questions are easy to answer, and others hard... but the truth is that Fear is not what is best for us, it is what is robbing from us on the daily, it's that soft cold voice that prevents you from joy, it steals this moment and that until you have come and gone in nothing more than a manic episode upon this Earth.

I was reading a children's storybook bible to my 5 year old the other day because he woke me up by crawling into bed with it and asked me to read it to him. It's not even his, it's his sister's so as I am recalling this episode it was evident that God was starting to speak to me for this moment....

As I began tiredly reading the stories in genesis and I got to the part about Adam and Eve and the snake and the temptation and the forbidden fruit from the knowledge of good and evil.. something stood out to me. Immediately when Eve ate from the fruit and shared it with her husband they immediately felt FEAR. They heard God coming and they Ran and HID.

We were not intended for fear. 

There was a bible study I attended in college.. and I can't remember exactly what the topic was but in the midst of it I remember him saying..
"You can either live by Faith or you can live in FEAR" (or something to that likeness)

I wrote it down and I stared at it..

Fear and anxiety prevent us from things.
a life of fear is no life at all.

Fear fills us with shame and doubt...

Fear prevents us from trying that new thing, or taking  that chance, or meeting that person.. because maybe that event was what God had intended for you and the enemy was using his tool of anxiety and fear to keep you from it.

MANY famous people in history have said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself"

and fear is the greatest destroyer. It really was created to destroy. To prevent. TO restrain, to_______

(fill in the blank for your life.)

I always used to say my biggest enemy was myself.
That I was the only thing getting in the way of accomplishing XY or Z
That I was the biggest obstacle I had to overcome to change things..
but the common denominator in all of these thoughts is FEAR.

I have never been my greatest enemy.

Fear is.

If God is Love

than the enemy of our souls is Fear,

Fear destroys

what love creates

or at least it makes an attempt to.

People on Earth put a high value on happiness and joy.. and obtaining therein. WE are constantly seeking that eden.. that fearless, place where we were closest to God.

We place happiness in this thing, in this person. in Money... (which is an arbitrarily valued item of control and power. More on that later)

We place happiness in that next job, or next house or next purchase....

But if we keep placing happiness in somewhere else..
it will never be where we are..
and that was not the plan.

WE can only find Joy in Love
and Love is God.
God is LOVE

money is temporary

LOVE is eternal

things are temporary

LOVE is eternal

Everything is temporary

LOVE IS ETERNAL.

What are the composites of love?

Trust

Peace

Patience

Kindness

basically all the fruits of the spirit right?

Notice in the above formentioned there is absolutely positively no place for FEAR to exist in love.

There is no FEAR in LOVE, but perfect LOVE casts out FEAR

If we don't replace fear with love we are being robbed of so much of what was created to bring us joy.

a modern day anecdote:

We recently got back from a trip to Disneyworld... and during this trip My 5 year old experienced a lot of firsts.. his first rollercoasters, his first kinda big kid rides so to speak.. and each time before getting on them he was terrified.. he built it up into something where a worst case scenario for each possible ride manifested a false reality in him and he was absolutely petrified... After each ride he was ecstatic.. He couldn't even remember why he was afraid in the first place and if he was a little bit older and matured cognitively he would have seen that his fears were irrational and misplaced (in hindsight)

Fear keeps you from the game.

It holds you back.

I can't say this enough.

Death is not desired but it should not be feared For we will live eternally in love.

LOVE is on the OTHER SIDE of FEAR. Trust me.

let me give you an example of where fear and anxiety have been playing a role in my life lately.

Without being too specific, I will just tell you that there was a friendship in my life I started to DOUBT tremendously. I had been sensing a shift in their behavior towards me and my anxiety had me running the gammet of all the interactions and conversations I had ever had with this person.

Especially this one instance. This one instance was an embarrassing encounter in which I felt SHAME and FEARed that their opinion had changed of me because of this particular moment of SHAME. 

Then when I asked this friend for a favor and they told me they wouldn't do it because (and they had a good reason) my anxiety started playing it out even more..

Pretty soon I became afraid of this person, I was afraid to leave the house for fear of running into them.. I was afraid of what my interactions would be with them, I was afraid they hated me, that they thought the worst of me, that I was this gross, and embarassing and impossible person..

 and from there my anxiety and fear spiralled..

Pretty soon my anxiety had convinced me that most people felt this way.. That I wasn't a good enough person, that I wasn't enough, or that I was too much.. and that I WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST AND NOBODY COULD ACCEPT ME OR LOVE ME OR UNDERSTAND ME.

This is the tool of the Devil.

Fear is the devil's playground.

he is the enemy of your soul 

and he wants you dead.

Fear Destroys

what LOVE

CREATES.

This is the forbidden fruit. This is the knowledge of Good and Evil. This is NOT what God intended for us.

In a moment of utter bravery I called this person.. I was already low and I knew that if I never reached out I would never truly know.. and God had shown me in a dream that if I communicated with them I would find peace, so I took a leap of faith and dialed their number.

turns out.. they did not think awful things of me, they did not even recall that embarrassing time I had in their presence and they definitely DID not hate me..

This was what was REAL. Not this Fear I manifested.

What the conversation  ended up spawning  was an honest discussion about this spiritual warfare.. this tool of the enemy. and how I have allowed it to have a stronghold in my life.. which it does.. on a  daily basis.. and it attacks almost everything I love...

and I LOVE A LOT.

anytime you do  anything in love you are doing it according to God's will. because God is love and love is real.

and therefore the enemy uses Fear to destroy and prevent/keep you from.. things done in or for love. Things.. God intended you for.

I am an empath who struggles daily with depression and anxiety.

as my friend put it.. I have 99 problems and about 89 of them are made up scenarios I have created in my brain.

I have let fear and anxiety make or break me. I have walked into a room and befriended everyone there and left feeling like everyone hated me.

And I must accept that because I was created to Love people so deeply 
it will make me vulnerable for these kinds of attacks.

Fear is a lie.

the enemy is a liar.

Ever heard or read the acronym: False Evidence Appearing Real ?

That is the perfect explaination what Fear is. 

Fear can keep us from playing the game.

It can keep us from learning and growing

it can stifle us

it can isolate us

it can make us feel unloveable

unworthy

alone..

because if we are alone we are less threatening...

Everytime we love one another we are closer to God.. And the ENEMY does not want that.

Everytime we are closer to God we find more joy. Because our wealth is measured in love, in our creator, in who we were created in their image. Our identity is not in ourselves or in our stuff anyway it is in God. and GOD IS LOVE. God is not Fear.

God casts out Fear

and I think I have trampled my point to death and mentioned Fear 1000 times in the process..

but alas..

one more..

Fear is poopy.

Lord,
I pray peace for everyone who is reading this, I pray for revelation and gumption and bravery for each person to overcome fear, to overcome anxiety to break the chains of whatever is holding them back and preventing them from love.. from what God intended for them. Lord I know the only one who can fulfill the desires of my heart is the one who created it. Lord remind me where I come from, Remind me what I was created from, and for, Lord help me to Love like you.. to Love all the way you love them. Lord banish Fear and any lies the enemy is feeding us right now.. In Jesus Name cast out all unholy spirits and demons of mistrust, shame, doubt, and anything apart from you. AMEN.