"my cup runneth dry..."

This morning started off on a negative tune. I automatically felt this extreme sense of emptiness.. and I realized that I had missed church and was horribly regrettful of that.. I needed fellowship, and time with God... and I stayed up too late last night and couldn't afford to go to church with such a low battery. I would most certainly get nauseated and even sick...

A curse since I was a child.. no sleep= blehhhhhhhhhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhh (that's my vomiting sound)

so I took care of the baby... then tried to take a nap... and started to burn up from heat.. I took a hot shower and prayed that somebody anybody would contact me.

Two of my friends invited me to join them at the park... it was a beautiful sunny day but I hesitated.. laying alone in my bed under my covers seemed more appetizing... I thought maybe the world would miss me and not take advantage of my presence if I hid myself from it for awhile...

this is the feeling I get when the devil has taken hold of me some how.. whispering lies in my ear that solitude is best...

I just felt empty, dry... I needed people, I needed affection.. I needed... something.. and yet I didn't want to put myself out there to get it..

I realized lately that my practical needs are not being met... Almost all of my time and energy is used towards my daughter... which is expected being a child's soul parent... however.. it is now catching up to me... I already have low serotonin levels in my brain causing me to see things in a more glass half empty way if left alone with myself too long.. but now with lack of sleep and motivation under my belt I am simply left feeling lost....

I decided after awhile that since isolation was the garden of the enemy I shouldn't choose to stay home alone and decided to join my friends down at the park.. the minute I got in the car I noticed my mood started to shift to a more positive mood.. I realized this must've been due to the fact that I was going somewhere with an intention of seeing people...

go figure.

I arrived at the park only to find my friends leaving "we've been here since noon" they said "we're tired"... I admitted that I spent too much time moping and not enough time making the decision to go there, I confessed that my glass runneth dry.

"we'll fill it up with fellowship for you, but we can't fill it up with God" one of them said...

I decided I would join them at the perk...

but upon arriving to my car, my friend Rachel agreed to speak with me, so she got in my car and listened to me cry about how my finances are stressing me out, and my practical needs aren't being met, and I am lonely and feel empty and as if I am in this mundane rut! And everywhere I go I feel that my existence screams "I have baggage stay clear" and she listened and listened and listened and then pointed out where the enemy was lying to me and prayed for me and I immediately felt full and glad.

I felt loved... We are made for this; community.

This is what we were created for.. to be there for one another..

I then joined my friends at the perk and we play a game together and joked and laughed, and Katarina was full of joy and happy and let me have fun with my friends and I began to feel lighter and more hopeful... the enemy no longer had a strong hold on me because I had love.

Love is all we need.

I am so grateful to have a God who has blessed me with so many amazing people. And who loves me and is with me every step of the way, and whom has a bigger more beautiful picture and plans for me that I can't even see... but they are here and now, and even though they are masked and disguised by lies of the enemy, behind their facade is my beautiful fate, my answered desires. My Father in heaven who knows his plans for me and they aren't to harm me but to give me hope and a future.

Praise Him! He is GOOD!