You ever hear the expression "Love is a many fickle thing?"
(or something like that?)
Well here is the thing. Love is God. and God is Real.
Love is all we need, Love is in all things and about all things.
It unites us all. and it can break us all.
It hurts equally as much as it brings Joy.
The human heart anguishes for love.. for understanding, for worth.. and it doesn't see that Love accomplishes all those things. it is all things. It is God.
Our hearts are broken however, as we are broken. And I am not sure that we ever feel complete.
Today is international Happiness day... whoever declared it that... is unknown, but I heard it on the radio... so it must true...
the radio host was discussing what it actually meant to be happy and she sort of touched on something that I often times say and that is that as long as happiness is somewhere else it will never be where you are.
As long as you believe that you will happier if HE/she loves me back. if.. I get THAT job. if I earn X amount of money....etc...etc.... You will never find happiness.. because you're always placing it in the hypothetical.. and humans have a tendency to do this.. to remove happiness from reality, and make it this unreachable entity.
What makes someone joyful? What is the Joy of God? Where does God find joy? How will we recognize it if we find it?
I feel the joy of God in the love that I have for my children. This unquenchable, unstoppable force that grows everyday and has no explanation. I never knew my heart had so much capacity for love until I beheld my children... and God always refers to us in His word as His children... so therein lays His joy...
But not everyone on Earth will have children, Not everyone on Earth may understand this level this enormous altitude of love. So we must within ourselves manifest it.
One of my biggest struggles is accepting love. Feeling love even. Sometimes love just feels like a need... a need that needs to be met, a desire that needs to be fulfilled, a service that needs to be performed... not an obligation per-say, but not a fairytale either. Love and relationships go hand in hand. We tend to mold to the people we love, we find another person and find something desirable within them that we ourselves want and we love them.. I mean.. think about friendships.. there are billions of people in the world.. and we encounter a good chunk of them in a years time, we communicate with a lot of them, but there are only a select few we pursue in order to have a meaningful relationship. And with these people we grow a friendship.. it really is magnificent and it makes you think that not everything is random... A lot of things are Fate.
We take a lot of our blessings for granted. We take a lot of people and emotions and time for granted...But we are broken and should be blameless.. for most of our short comings at least.
I recently quit my job, and with that I have left behind a lot of relationships I formed with a lot of different people.. and it's day 3 of unemployment and the pang of loneliness is very very evident. I knew it would hurt to leave my Starbucks Family but I didn't know it would make me feel so empty.
My life is sort of in a state of limbo right now until I know my next move. I trust that God has a plan for me.. at least I think I do. Just as I believe that God wanted me to make this bold move to quit something that was weighing me down.
I have always felt like I was created for something bigger than myself.. I honestly believe all are.. but only some of us actually fulfill our callings..
I have been going to this new church for a couple months now, I really like it.. it's non-denominational.. it's sort of spirit lead with a little structure... there are about a thousand people or so that come every Sunday.. I want to say...or close to that... and I tend to sit rather far away and although the pastor is about an inch tall from where I sit.. his messages tend to be larger than life..
Saturday was my last day of work. I was honestly a wreck most of my shift. Knowing that I was leaving so many people I loved and the life that I had known for the last year and a half.. and knowing that my routine would be disrupted that my future was unknown.. even more so than before... I needed a sign.. a sign that I wasn't off the beaten path... that I was going to be ok....
IN walks Pastor Lance... our larger than life pastor... He and I are the only ones in the room... and I double take.. I can't believe it.. funny because it sort of felt like a celebrity sighting.. I have gone to his church for about 2 months now and I never actually thought I would see the pastor face to face.. which sounds bizaar now that I am typing it.. but I think on some level I really believed that.
I mean.. Bridgeway isn't a mega church.. it's just a decent sized one like the one I attended in Chico.. same sort of style too..
But there he was... in the flesh... in front of me.. and I was sort of blown away.. I greeted him and he told me he had never been to this starbucks and asked how long I had worked there and I told him 15 months... but that was my last day... the look in his eyes showed that he and I knew in that moment that this interaction was planned... by God. I started to cry and I asked him to pray for me, as I was uncertain about my future, and about the transition going on in my life and I mentioned to him how I wanted to get involved in the video ministry of the church and he encouraged me to do so and as he left he told me he told me he hoped to see more of me...
When he left, I felt God tell me that. that was a gift for me... That I will be ok.. and that I probably should pursue this video thing at the church.. I already knew that before.. but this confirmed it...
Today on international happiness day, I can't honestly say I don't really feel happy... I feel a bit melancholy, and a little scared or nervous or uncertain about my life right now. I don't have any of the big answers of all the pressing questions i've asked in this blog entry, but the wheels in my spirit are turning and I needed to share this energy inside of me...
So many of us struggle with self worth and doubt that we can be loved, that we are loved, and that even when we feel lost, we are seen and we are known, and we are never alone.
Though it is human to feel this way.
A Song I have been repeat is "Reckless Love" By Corey Asbury.. it's all about how before we were even created we were loved. And how there is no way on Earth or anywhere else that we can escape the love of God. It's overwhelming, it's never ending, it chases us down, it fights for us, it will pursue us for all time... it is a reckless love.
It talks about how even when we feel unworthy we are loved. And even when we mess up, His love won't stray...
This is the love He has for us, and we get glimpses of that in the way we love each other or how he wants us to love each other.. Love never Fails.. God never Fails.. and Love and God are in everyone and everything..
This is the Truth.
You are Loved. I am Loved. WE are LOVED.
Lord let that be enough.
AMEN.
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