You have bewitched me, body and soul

Ok, so prepare to gag due to overly mushy romantic stimulation.

I feel like my heart is on my fire, my stomach is doing loop dee loops... and I feel like that tiger that has been chasing me, has caught up to me and I am victim to it. I have submitted to and am being devoured by what used to be my greatest fear.

I am in LOVE....

and with whom you might ask?

well.. nobody at the moment... well at least not concretely... but I am in love with LOVE.

The whole idea of it, the whole realness in it.. and the hope that I thought I had lost has completely come alive.

for awhile I was anxious... so anxious to find the one I was to be in love with, I wanted to A) know that I could be in love B) know that I could love somebody who loved me in return C) have someone to share my everyday existence with... because happiness is only real when shared and to be quite frank... being a single mother is sort of mundane. My daughter brings me more joy than I can imagine.... but it's almost not worth anything because I seldom have anyone I can share it with, so it comes and leaves in a swift gust.

and then it's gone....

After the damage of my last relationship, I thought I would never fall in love, I said curses over myself that I was not meant to love, that I was designed to strive in solitude... because I have not been in love.

I broke someone's heart terribly... I have broken several hearts... of young men who said they were in love with me... one pursuit of a man lasted 3 years... and I constantly broke his heart because I could not love him back...

and of course as fate would have it.. I would fall in love with one... but one person... but he would find me to be undesirable in his eyes.... and he would devastate me terribly.. so I would wonder to myself...

"does love even exist?"

The bible says love never fails, and yet love has only ever been a hit and miss in my limited experience...

But then something has come over me recently.. I don't know what it is, it is something in the air...

But I am just enraptured by hope... with a new sense of newness... as if something in me that was terribly damaged has begun to hope...

I now own that part of me that I lost as a child, the part of me that was a hopeless romantic... whom would dance in my living room, and run through orchards, and who would lie awake in bed at night and sing songs out loud about love and pray that there was a boy made for me out there singing songs in his bed.... just like in some corny child's movie... similar to a Disney duet.. only I would do this every night. And I would go to sleep and hear a man say "she is mine"

and I knew I was loved... there was a love out there made for me... I now know that there is a great love bigger than I can even fathom that is not of this world that is constantly pursuing me... but I also now have relinquished hope that there is a earthly love out there too.

it's as if a part of me that was dead has been awaken by true loves first kiss.... And now it is alive, and thriving, and knows that some day.. some day it will live a happily ever after.

I could cry and laugh and scream and run and dance I could lay down in orchards, or spin in the rain, or sit on a mountain top and stare into a deep valley right now and enjoy the beauty and splendor that is this emotion.. but not one of those events could even do it justice...

Love is real. And it is out there. And it is waiting for me....

until then, I have a Lord, who is my husband who can fulfill all the parts of my life that need fulfillment, that are empty and dreary and lonely and hurt... He is everything a husband ought to be until He hands me off to the man on this Earth whom He created for me...

until then... I will be FREE.

PRAISE HIM! REJOICE IN LOVE!