If We Have No Peace

  Last night I had some dreams. Some crazy world's end kind of dreams. They were so vivid, and so real, they were as though they were actually happening. They were as though God was taking me on a journey.

I can't remember them in their entirety, but the world had ended.. I know this much.. but Life had not ended, I knew I had died, or that my life on Earth (everyone's life on Earth) was over, but I didn't feel fear, or trepidation, I felt peace.. I was peaceful, and Serene, because in my heart of hearts, in the deepest part of my soul, I knew God was there, I was with Him, and everything was going to be ok.

At one point I was floating through some kind of space or void, I had a companion at my side, and she pointed out that new worlds were being built around us, literally Earth's were being built, new worlds... for life.. Only these (I assume) were perfect... and I remember just feeling exhilarated, excited.. I was going to be with my Lord forever... and I didn't feel alone.. I felt Togetherness..

See.. This year is a rocky one... from everything going on in the world, all the war, the needless death, illnesses, terror... hatred... everywhere you turn.

The media is filling us with Fear, and hopelessness and anxiety... We can't turn on any kind of social anything without seeing some kind of brokenness, some kind of feud. Some kind of controversy blowing up in our faces..

as a species, we are in the pit of despair.

This election the United States is facing is center stage right now for us Americans. With everyone feeling hopeless and frustrated like we're on a sinking ship and Democracy (the opinions of many) is not going to save us. We are becoming divided and spiteful and fearful.. because our future is looking pretty dim right now. My grandmother-in-law professed that she has voted every election since 1960 and THIS one is the worst. We are not in a good spot right now as a Nation.

I have said before.. we live internally. Our problems (no matter how big or small) are the "worst problems" the "only problems" amiright???

 So Here's my deal... Yesterday I was diagnosed with Physical Exhaustion by my Family Doctor..

What like I need a nap??
 No.

Like my body and immune system are actually physically shutting down because I need rest above all other things.

As a Child I needed more sleep than the average person and as an adult that hasn't changed..  I used to get sick all the time as a child.. vomiting sick and it all boiled down to I wasn't getting enough sleep..

When my husband and I were dating he used to be perplexed and quite frankly annoyed by how much I ( a grown woman) napped, until my father took him aside one day and was like "look Erin needs sleep.. she always has..etc.etc.."

Now I am like the third stubborn child of my husband who fights bedtime. He has actually had to take away my phone and computer before and even at one point threatened to remove a lightbulb because I would not could not go to bed.

The last few days I thought I was dying.. I literally felt myself begin to fade.. I had a virus last week that took my immune systems entire attention and I never gave myself a chance to recoop... And it's biting me in the butt now...

On top of exhaustion my husband works for a corporation that is constantly laying people off.. "Oh the weather changed... let's lay off 50k people for no reason at all"

So my husband has been frustrated and concerned, our marriage has been struggling because stress seems to equal less communication and etc etc...

and to me, my whole life is just HARD.

Life is in fact hard..
But sometimes you just need a dose of perspective...

Today I got one.

Today was my son's field trip to the pumpkin patch.. Every child 4 and under needed a parent or guardian to attend so despite my orders from the doctor to sleep for 3 days... I went.

I didn't know any of the mother's or guardians of my son's classmates.. and let me just say...  I am honored to have gotten to know some of them today.

  I am a Mercy. What is that? It's a spiritual gift. Mercy's feel and feed off emotions, they empathize and sympathize with people, they are kind, and nurturing and they love people.. in their brokenness, in their most vulnerable states.. Mercy's can listen and love on others in their predicaments, but an unhealthy Mercy will pick up their burdens and add them to their own.. (I am still trying to find the balance but I digress)

  Today, As I got to know these women.. I came to know their struggles, several professed to me the predicaments they were in. One gal has 2 sons from two different men who were abusive and abandoned her. Her most recent living situation was with a woman who exploited her, took her money, and abused their "verbal contractual agreement of living terms" and she is now homeless.. she had to take her oldest son and flee in the middle of the night leaving her 7 month old with her father until she figures out a living arrangement.. another gal just got out of a physically abusive marriage and is trying to figure out how to do life with her two young children now as a single parent. Others were abandoned in their pregnancies.. (much like I was with Katarina so I definitely had no problem empathizing with them)

  As these women came to me and shared their stories, my heart ached and internally I began to pray.. I held one of them in my arms as she cried on my shoulders and in that moment... it didn't matter that we were strangers.. we were both women, both mothers, both humans sharing this same broken planet and we were both in our own ways very much broken.. AND we came together in solidarity...

I have said this many times over.. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.
WE are Not alone. Everywhere you look, there is someone struggling with something, we only have each other.. and GOD.

Mother Theresa said it best " If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

 Yesterday a gal friend of mine posted something on her facebook wall about how appreciative she was for all the love and support her husband were receiving and she gave a nod to God for giving her the strength she needed to get through... I was perplexed because I moved away from her a couple years ago and her facebook wall did not hint at what she could be talking about so I reached out to her... I wanted to know what it was that I missed, and what it was I needed to pray for.. Because I love her and her family so much. She and her husband came into my life when I had just moved to a new town and had no friends to call my own, I met her at a children's museum and we hit it off immediately.. She had a much smaller family then, and has since had a couple more babies, but she and her husband were so hospitable... they would invite us over for dinner and we would have game nights and playdates.. I really treasure our friendship..

 Her husband, whom she has been married too for quite some time and whom she has a whole gaggle of children with has openly come out as Gay. He has also openly come out as a struggling (yet recovering) Sex addict.. At first I was completely blindsided and shocked.. (as anyone might be) but as I kept reading I couldn't help but feel extreme admiration, and be humbled, by the courage, and strength, the outright honesty and acceptance of it all.

  You see, this isn't something he just discovered or that she didn't know about.. They have been struggling with this issue in silence for many years.. and for him to come to the point where he could share this with everyone so blatantly and lay it out on the table that this is who he is, and that despite all of the hardships of it all, he loves himself.. and accepts his struggles for what they are is just a beautiful and humbling thing. And there is hope.

 We all are struggling with things in private.. we are all living behind some kind of facade.. especially with the internet and social media being what they are.. it is easy to share the things you want people to see, and know and/or believe about YOUR reality.. Facebook is generally the highlight reel of peoples' lives.. NOT the behind the scenes.. and when we start comparing ourselves and our struggles with everyone else's supposed triumphs and blessings, we start to fuel that fire of living internally and falling into the pit of "Well I must be alone.." "nobody else struggles like me"

And that is NOT true.

Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, and it took this man being so honest, and laying his biggest battle out there for the whole world to see, for me to step back and just be like WHOA ...

There are bigger things at work, there is more than what is inside our little bubble.

My friend and her husband, despite everything are working on their marriage, they are seeking council and they have so much love and support that it fills my heart to the brim, because people despite everything.. are good.

We are made in God's image.. and God is GOOD.

We are in this together. We have hope. Even the end of the world is not the end. There is more. There is good. There is LOVE. There is TOGETHERNESS.

  When I first became a christian I had this crazy dream.. Just as real as the one I had last night.. I was walking through a field.. there were beautiful flowers, and children playing around me, and everything was perfect... and then people started dying, and the flowers wilted and demons started chasing me and I began to run... towards a cliff.. and with all the faith in my being I jumped off that cliff, I didn't know if I would live or die, there was only one thing I knew and I screamed it out loud.. "I LOVE YOU JESUS!" I woke up after that, and I was trembling all over.. my heart was going to beat out of my chest.. but I felt more alive than I had in forever..

We are in this together. And God is with us, and He will never leave us or forsake us.

Another little anecdote and then I will tap out of this thing.

In my first months of of being with Christ My friend Took me to this little hole in the wall chapel in a town near where we lived.. Now this town, is not known for good things, it's known for drugs, prostitution, gangs, murder, what we humans would label the "worst kinds of sins"

During one of the worship songs, everyone came together and stood in front of the stage.. everyone sang, and swayed, people raised their arms, people got on their knees, people were weeping.. and I stood their in the solidarity of it all, all these broken people, coming together, and laying themselves before Christ.. and I fell over.. My legs gave out and my friend caught me.. and I just weeped and weeped and weeped in the glory of it all...

This woman came up to me, a complete stranger and started speaking in my ear.. she spoke to me truths about myself, that God had shown her, that I had never shared with anyone. It's moments like these that hooked me.. I knew God is Real. God is Here. God will not leave me. He has never left me. I am not alone. I have never been alone.

and neither have you.

Here is my prayer.

Lord Jesus, I pray for all the broken, and the hurting, and those who feel hopeless and alone. Lord I pray for you to fill their spirits, to reveal yourself to them, in whatever way it is that they need to see and feel you, and your presence. Lord I pray for healing, Healing of relationships, restoration of health, wherever it is people need healing, Lord I pray Your hand is there. You're the way, and the LIFE and You are the Light in the darkness.. I pray for strength, I pray for courage, I pray for the broken to come together and seek You out.. For YOU and YOU alone, are what is going to make us whole. I pray for the desires of everyone's heart to be realized, I pray for our nation, and I pray against the spirit of hopelessness. We are not without hope. You are driving this ship. And Your plans are not to harm us, but to give us hope and a future. Lord Thank you for Everything. My gratitude falls short.. My pride is too much. Thank you for this day that humbled me and made me realize YOU are what matters. WE are in this together... And we will be OK. Amen.